FARTS: Fortuitous Flatulence

By Alex Fogel

Genres: Adventure, Children's fiction, Science Fiction (Sci-Fi), Young Adult (YA), Children's general

Age Groups: 8-11, 12-18

“FARTS: Fortuitous Flatulence”

A middle-grade adventure, complete at 38.460 words in twenty chapters

The story told to her granddaughter, Melody, begins with Paula’s journey to Camp Hackenspit, where she meets and is forced to tolerate the two-day car trip in the company of the most annoying boy she had ever met, Beanie Conway. She thinks he is juvenile, irresponsible, and certainly not someone that she wants to spend her summer around.

Paula’s fortunes do not improve once they arrive at the camp. Rules at Camp Hackenspit require all cabin residents to compete in a loogie contest arranged by Beanie, leaving Paula with no choice but to participate. Paula’s stubborn, competitive spirit, coupled with coaching advice overheard from eavesdropping on Beanie allows her to win the contest for their team.

Startled during her first night at the camp to find herself and the other girls floating in the air above their bunks, Paula quickly encourages her cabin mates to release any gas that they felt. Paula reassured everyone that while they might not understand what was causing them to float, they could control it through flatulence. Coaxed out of her cabin by Beanie at the morning’s first light, Paula reluctantly agrees to partner with him to investigate the mystery while they warn their cabin mates to keep the event secret. They knew that it had to be something that they all had consumed at dinner, but it had to be something that only their table was served. The lemonade! As their investigation unfolds, Paula begins to realize that her first impressions of Beanie Conway might have been wrong.

Identifying the ingredients for the lemonade from the camp cook, Paula and Beanie discover that the water used to make it had been sourced from a recently discovered Artesian spring. Beanie remains convinced that the tiny organisms viewed in the water through his microscope are what create the helium and suggests that Paula and he drink some of the spring water to test his theory. When nothing happens, they revisit the ingredients in the original lemonade and decide to add some fresh lemon juice to the water. Success! Sort of. Within minutes of drinking the lemon water, they begin to feel the desired effects, However, they need to train their bodies to control the build-up and release of intestinal gas, or the danger to them getting off the ground would limit their opportunities to make use of their discovery. Trial, error, and mutual trust give them the confidence to use their ability to float as they share numerous adventures in the air.

Until that fateful day when a victory under questionable circumstances places the lemonade in the hands of their rival cabins they had been able to keep the floating secret. Knowing that the occupants of the Smeleepitz and Gaarglenoyz cabins are about to experience the effects of the lemonade for the first time has Paula and Beanie concerned. What will their rivals do with this knowledge? With only a few days left at Camp Hackenspit, will their secret be exposed? Their fears are quelled the next morning when no one believes the wild claims and they learn that their rivals are suspected of taking some hallucinogenic substance that caused all of them to imagine that they were floating.

Paula is crestfallen on the first day of eighth grade over not hearing from Beanie in the two weeks since their return from camp. Her heart soars when she meets him in her last class of the day and learns that he is now a neighbor of hers and that their friendship would face no obstacles in the years ahead. With Paula’s story concluded, Melody’s excitement about going to Camp Hackenspit is greater than ever. When her grandfather arrives home, she eagerly shares her excitement with him, with the full understanding now that he isn’t merely her grandpa. He’s the famous Beanie Conway!